Of Websites and Weebles and Teeny Tiny Feet

Why a conversation around the perils of twidgy feet propping up a normal body developed this morning I have no idea. But it affects Katie’s balance apparently – not as much as her friend who happens to be a little on the large side and quite spherical by all accounts.

Of course, this led me to insinuating she must be the anti-weeble.

The marketing slogan, “Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down” was probably the first that ever had an impact on me at the tender age of three. Not only was I taken by the song accompanying the slogan, but I saw the fact of their inability to be toppled as a direct confrontation. (Granted, I may not have articulated in such an erudite manner back in the day, but hindsight is a wonderful thing!)

You tried every trick in the book to make your weeble fall down. Flicking. Kicking. Stamping. Throwing. None of them resulted in anything other than a swift return to an upright position. Not only would Weebles not fall down but they were nigh on indestructable.

To this day, Weebles are the only thing ever that have lived up to their marketing hype. While you couldn’t overstretch Stretch Armstrong, you could bite chunks out of him. Only your mother claiming the enclosed goo was a carcinogen stopped that train of destruction.

You’d think that I’d believe anything a marketer ever said to me considering my Pavlovian Weeble experience.

No such luck. My actual conditioned response to all marketing slogans is to test the hind legs off them to see if they happen to be true.

Do 8 out of 10 cats prefer Whiskas? Get me ten cats and another brand of cat food.

What happens if I do leave home without my American Express card?

And, if nothing says lovin’ like somethin’ from the oven, will I get away with giving Steph some Pillsbury cookies for Valentines Day?

Yes, there are lies, damn lies, statistics and marketing slogans.

I do quite a bit of mental forehead slapping while watching most adverts, but at least they’re trying. My true moments of despondency occur when I see the real generic stuff slipped into Website headers or into the pages themselves. How many “Your problem, our solutions” are there floating about?

People aren’t interested in your lame attempt at a catchy slogan. However, they are interested in your ability to deliver and present solutions to their problems – and your Web site is as good a place as any to point them out.

I suppose the point is that your Web site or presence should work the Weeble way – no, not that it should wobble occasionally but never fall down – but that any of your claims can be proven and tested to be true.

For example, who doesn’t claim to have exceptional customer service? Prove it with testimonials and explanations or case studies of how your customer service is exceptional. Because it should be. Exceptional customer service shouldn’t be a unique selling point wrapped up as a slogan.

After all, do you think we’d still have Weebles today if they wobbled and did fall down?